i realized...

--it takes a lot of guts to be a bitch

"shower poh. Me, may cnat atoh,.huhuhuhu"

Pano mu babasihin yang text na yan...Hmm..it just seemed more to me as a mis-sent text. I have this feeling its not really for me.

I was deleting messages from my phone last night and i came across this sms sent by my most favorite person right now. it caught my attention. actually, it did during the time it was sent to me. i just wasnt able to dig on it that time.

I know its not for me:
1) that time i was talking to that person, i wasnt even asking on what he was doing or what he was about to do
2) he never do baby talk to me
3) i know he has a gf and i know their term of endearment..but this one he keeps on denying :-)

This is not the first time i have traces of proof on what i believe in. But as hard-headed as i am, i still push for the actual confession. ..its like you know what's right, you know what to do, but you can't do it, for you-dont-know-whatever-fucking-reason there is..

well, at first..for me..i thought..its just ok..anyways, i dont want to enter in any commitment yet..i just want to enjoy..appreciate whoever is around me.. whatever is around me..i want to enjoy myself..hehehe..but then this person wanted more..well, he says he wants "exclusivity" or in other words, commitment. he showers me with affection. he do things that would make me "kilig" like high school. but i know he is committed with someone else. yet he claims he and his gf are no longer together. anyways, it should not be an issue to me. like what i said, i dont want to enter in a new relationship yet. but, hmmm...nde ko pala kaya..i cannot be a bitch pala.. i cannot enjoy without attaching my feelings..i cannot say i love you if i dont mean it..

i cannot go on while i believe he stil lhas a gf- however hard he may deny.
i'll follow my instincts.

i cannot be a bitch...i cannot try to snatch somebody else's guy. i cannot be happy while knowing that someone else is being fooled. i wont.

so before things get out of my control, i have to move.
this has to stop.